On This Day—August 1

Two years ago, I lost my mother on this day—August 1. We had a strained relationship but it was on the mend when she left. I wish I had more time with her. To tell here I love her. And I miss those years of not being with her. 

I longed for a typical mother-daughter relationship but ours was meant to be a more meaningful one. At least by the end of her life. I still follow her values and cherish her forgiveness and undying love. 

She was a giver no matter how much receiving she deserved but never did receive. She was a forgiver no matter how wrong she was treated. She would forgive but her mind would never let her forget. The secrets buried with her may disappear forever but her love will never fade from this world. 

In these two years, I learnt so much about her. Her personality. Her life. What she was like before becoming a mother. Her likes. How strong-willed she was. How she raised her voice for what was right. How she hid the wounds of her life. 

I learnt that she powered strength every time she was put down. She picked herself back up and stepped forward despite being pushed to the ground. She showed resilience and was relentless. She was not a quitter. A lot hurt but not a quitter. She never gave up until the end forced her to succumb. 

Today I live with her truth. I learnt that she loved me unconditionally. She never gave up on me even though I did. She trusted me despite the shadows of her life haunting her. I believe she wanted me to save her. But I gave up. I had nothing in my hands. I failed her. I failed her love. She trusted me but I gave up on her.

Time may never turn back but my mind keeps thinking of how different life could be with her. How my choices didn’t let me show my love for her sooner. How I could have saved her.

In another life, in another world, I believe, we will be together. Mother and daughter. I’ll do things differently then. I’ll remember to treat her better. To reciprocate her love. To stand by her through her challenges and her struggles. I’ll never leave her side. I’ll remember to love her unconditionally, just like she did in this lifetime.

© 2025 Marieannette Pereira-Fernandes. All Rights Reserved.

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